Impulsivity is a common challenge for many children, particularly those with ADHD. It refers to the tendency to act quickly based on immediate desires or emotions without thinking through the consequences.
Understanding and managing impulsivity is essential in helping children develop self-regulation skills. When channeled effectively, it can fuel creativity, curiosity, and a willingness to take risks, helping children explore new ideas and embrace opportunities with enthusiasm. Many great inventors, artists, and entrepreneurs have harnessed their impulsivity to think outside the box and make bold, innovative decisions. If unmanaged, impulsivity can put children at risk of harm and it can also impact their relationships and decision-making.
How to Recognize Impulsivity in Children
Impulsivity is not always obvious, and it can look different in every child. Some children may act out physically, while others may interrupt or struggle with turn-taking. Recognizing early signs of impulsivity can help parents and caregivers intervene before it escalates.
Some common signs of impulsivity include:
Acting without thinking – A child may grab something from a friend, run into the street without looking, or blurt out answers in class without raising their hand.
Difficulty waiting their turn – They may struggle with taking turns in games, interrupt others while speaking, or push ahead in a line.
Emotional outbursts – A small frustration can quickly escalate into a big reaction, such as yelling, crying, or even throwing objects.
Trouble following directions – They may jump into an activity before fully understanding the instructions, leading to mistakes or frustration.
Risky behaviors – Some children engage in dangerous actions, such as climbing unsafe structures, running off in public places, or experimenting with things that could cause harm.
Easily distracted or jumping between tasks – They may start one activity but quickly abandon it for something new, often leaving projects unfinished.
Speaking out of turn or interrupting – Impulsive children often struggle with waiting for a conversation pause, leading them to talk over others or shift topics suddenly.
Recognizing these behaviors as signs of impulsivity rather than intentional misbehavior can help parents approach the situation with understanding and support rather than frustration.
The STOP and Think Approach
A simple and effective way to support children in managing impulsivity is to teach them the STOP and Think strategy. This process encourages children to pause before acting, reflect on their choices, and make thoughtful decisions. A flowchart, like Unlockt's Impulsive Moments Flowchart, can serve as a visual guide for this approach:
Stay Calm – A child’s impulsivity can escalate if met with frustration. Remaining calm sets the stage for de-escalation.
Acknowledge Feelings – Validate emotions by stating, “I see you’re feeling excited” or “I can tell you’re upset about what’s happening.”
Encourage a Pause – Taking a deep breath and pausing gives the child time to slow down and process the situation.
Consider Choices – Asking, “What are your choices right now?” helps the child recognize alternative actions. If necessary, provide guidance on different options.
Think About Consequences – Help the child reflect on the possible outcomes of each choice before deciding.
Support and Redirect as Needed – If a child struggles to make a positive choice, provide gentle guidance without judgment.
Reflect Together – After the moment has passed, take time to discuss what happened and what could be done differently next time. Reflection can occur immediately or at a later time, such as before bed or during a car ride.
Using Scripts to Reinforce Self-Regulation
Children benefit from consistent language that reinforces self-regulation. Scripts, like Unlock's Script for Managing Impulsivity, can be used before, during, and after impulsive moments:
Before: If a situation is known to trigger impulsivity, set expectations in advance. For example, before arriving at the playground, say, “I know it’s hard to wait your turn. What can we do if you start feeling really excited?” Then, practice a simple strategy like deep breathing or counting to three.
During: If impulsivity starts to take over, calmly remind the child of the plan. Saying, “Remember, we need to stop and think,” can guide them back to the strategy. Assist them in identifying their choices and encourage them to take a deep breath before acting.
After: Praise the child’s effort, even if the situation didn’t go perfectly. A statement like, “I saw you stop for a second before making a choice,” acknowledges progress. Then, reflect on what happened and discuss alternative actions for the future.
Building Self-Regulation Over Time
Developing impulse control is a skill that takes time, patience, and consistency. By incorporating strategies such as energy checks, the STOP and Think method, and guided reflection, children can build the tools they need to manage impulsivity. Visual tools like flowcharts and scripts provide structured support, making it easier for children to develop these essential self-regulation skills.
With practice and encouragement, children can learn to pause, think, and make better decisions—leading to stronger relationships, greater independence, and improved emotional regulation.